


It's Hard To Know Where To Begin (Ironwillshipping)

by majesticdragonair



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Getting Together, Trans Female Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 02:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair
Summary: “Hi, my name’s Dean!”“I’m Barry! Tell me what things you like!”Dean pondered for a moment, before shrugging. “I like letting mum dress me up in her old clothes!”Barry blinked, as if that wasn’t normal, but his eyes sparkled. “That sounds like fun! Maybe I can join you sometime.”Dean nodded quickly, happy that he finally found a friend in this small country town.-Or, a story where Dawn was born a boy.





	It's Hard To Know Where To Begin (Ironwillshipping)

**Author's Note:**

> this little piece was inspired by [this fanart](https://i.pinimg.com/474x/98/d2/5e/98d25e230117998109ed790477ff3ba5--pokemon-couples-mobius.jpg). i'm not really a fan of the ship but this image came across my pintrest dash and i instantly got the idea of trans girl! dawn and yeah. it's basically dawn central and revolves and her growing up in a small town and her gender issues and shit, but riley's there at the end dw you ironwill shippers.
> 
> title from lullaby by sia 
> 
> i'd like to point out that as a trans guy myself, i put a lot of my personal dysphoria moments and feelings in this to make it more real (if you'd call it that). if i see anyone comment something transphobic/homophobic, i'm having none of it.

The first person Dawn ever came out to was Johanna. Dawn had grown up in Twinleaf, a small town in south-west Sinnoh that only housed three families, so he’d never gone out to experience the rest of the region, had never understood all the bigger places that were scattered all over the world. He was used to it being only him and his mum.

It was a few weeks after his tenth birthday, and Johanna walked into the living room after just waking up, not surprised to find her old son sitting on the couch with the remote in his lap. She smiled at the blue haired boy and ruffled his hair from behind the couch, kissing his hair. “Morning baby. You want breakfast?”

Dawn, not known by that name at the time, looked up and grinned happily at his mum, upside in her vision. “Yes please mummy! Can we have toast? With peanut butter?”

The mum hummed and kissed his forehead. “Anything for my boy, Dean. Come to the kitchen, tell me about your dreams.”

Dawn flickered off the television and jumped to the carpeted floor, obeying her mother and sitting at the head of the table, tapping the table as Johanna flicked on the stove’s grill, grabbing out the bread. She looked over to smile at her only child, but paused when she noticed the thoughtful look on his face. “What’s on your mind, Dean?”

He pouted slightly and sagged into the table. “I don’t like that name.”

Johanna hummed and leaned against the stove, keeping an eye on it as it cooked the four pieces of bread. She felt slightly upset that her son didn’t like the name she’d given him, but disregarded it in favour of finding out why. “And why’s that, kiddo?”

“It’s a boy’s name! And I don’t like being a boy,” he argued back, crossing his arms. “I wanna be a girl, mummy, with long hair!” she swished her head around to her shin-long bangs bounced with her. “Is… that okay?”

The woman smiled and walked over, sitting next to her child and holding her hand out, flat and open-palmed on the table. Dawn took it. “Of course that’s okay, baby. There are other people out there who feel the same as you, we’ll go online after breakfast and talk a bit more okay?”

Dawn smiled at her mum and nodded happily. “I love you mum.”

In response, Johanna cooed and kissed her cheek. “And I love you, my baby. Now, let’s hope I haven’t burnt your toast.”

-

“Yo Dean!”

Dawn almost winced at the name, and nearly gave into the desire to run back into her house and change out of the dress she was wearing. It her first time going out in something so feminine, and her practically squealed and said how it suited a fine girl like herself. Dawn had felt confident from the compliment, but felt it drain quickly when she saw her best friend race in her direction.

Barry stopped a little short, not going to force her into a hug like he always did when they saw each other in the mornings. At the age of twelve, he’d grown out of the mantra that hugs weren’t manly when Dawn had forced him to do it when they saw each other, so seeing him stop short made her heart pounce.

Barry looked awestruck. “Whoa Dean, you’re wearing a dress…”

Dawn didn’t meet his gaze, using one of her hands to nervously play with her long, blue bangs. “Um… yeah. Mum brought it for me and, and it feels… nice…”

An almost awkward silence drifted between them, but then Barry as grinning and he walked the rest of the way over, hugging her. When he pulled back, he was still beaming. “No dude, it’s cool. You’re rocking the dress!”

It wasn’t coming out, really, not just yet. Dawn smiled back and thanked her friend, keeping it in the back of her mind to actually tell him later.

-

Lucas was kind, and he was a good friend. He loved cooking for Dawn every time they camped together, and they were a great team during double battles. He was also smart (which was a given, as he worked for the professor), but Dawn didn’t see how smart he really was.

They were camping, both of them having three badges and camping on Route 209. Dawn was lying on her back, looking at the stairs while Lucas was feeding the Pokémon, who were chirping at him happily, glad to be fed. Looking at Dawn and her slightly short skirt, he felt slightly guilty. He’d known for a while; the height, the deep voice and slightly masculine body, carefully hidden under the different dresses and skirts she wore.

He sighed a little and sat next to her, looking up as well. “Hey, I… I know you’re transgender, y’know.”

Dawn quickly sat up, her eyes wide as they looked at each other. Lucas panicked slightly, raising his hands as he shook, suddenly anxious. “I-I mean, I don’t care! You’re a girl and all, I just thought, I’d say…” he trailed off, but let out and ‘oof’ when Dawn tackled him into a hug, causing them to crash to the ground. She was smiling, and Lucas blushed slightly, hugging her back gently.

When they pulled apart, they were both lying on the grass, close, backs to the ground. “I hate telling people, y’know,” Dawn mumbled, gently holding his hand for comfort, almost nervous. “I just hope that when people look at me, they see a girl that doesn’t have a dick.”

He blushed at the slight language, and nodded. “You’re a girl either way, ignore the haters Dawn, you’re doing great.”

Dawn smiled at him happily. “Yeah… it’s just hard, y’know. I have trouble keeping up with you and Barry because sometimes I feel to gross to get out of bed. I hate it, but I also love that I can look like a girl and not care.”

Lucas nodded. “It’s a little hard to understand, but I get it, too. It feels like you can’t go on?”

Dawn shrugged. “Kinda. A little more than that.”

They were quiet, and they were almost convinced that the other had fallen asleep. That was until the sky lit up with a shooting star, and Lucas spluttered something before clasping his hands together, eyes closed. When he was done, he looked to Dawn and saw her doing the same. She was giggling when she finished.

“Well?”

Dawn shrugged cheekily. “Well I can’t tell you, it won’t come true! Besides, you can probably guess.”

Thinking back to their conversation, he concluded that he probably could guess.

-

Barry was thick. How he hadn’t realised that hey, maybe Dean wears dresses and tries (and succeeds) to look pretty when they see each other means that Dean wasn’t a guy? He hadn’t even battered an eyelash when she was called Dawn, and didn’t seem to see the way she winced when she got dead named. It often caused her to want to her ignore her childhood friend, and even though she loved him dearly…

She was terrified of what he would say.

“Dean, wait up, or I’ll have to fine you!”

Dawn stopped, frozen in her tracks, but she turned around to face her best friend, forcing a smile as he raced over. His blond hair seemed freshly cut, but he didn’t mention it in favour of looking her up and down. “New dress; looks good.”

Dawn smiled at him, pleased. It was longer than her usual ones, reaching the top of her pink boots, but it swished wonderfully around her, how could she pass up buying it? She twirled, giggling when Barry coughed up dust, but they walked in silence for a bit.

Barry coughed to get her attention, and he seemed… nervous? That was new. “I wanted to talk about the dresses actually.”

They slowed down until they weren’t walking anymore, and Dawn felt her heart slowly sink when she noticed the way Barry wasn’t keeping eye contact like he always did, instead eyeing the nature around them. He tugged his scarf as some sort of distraction. “Well… I was talking to some guys in Pastoria City, and they said they saw you with me and asked if you were my girlfriend.

“Obviously I told them no, you were just my friend, but I said ‘he’ and they said… I won’t repeat it, they said some really nasty things about you.”

Dawn swallowed heavily, audible. Barry wasn’t thick enough not see through that, she knew, and she went to open her mouth to say something, but he cut her off.

“I always knew, since I met you, that you were a girl, Dawn.”

Dawn froze, and the warm smile on Barry’s face felt relieving yet odd. His smiles were normally big and wild, filled with crazy ideas and too much energy. Now though, he was calm and soothing. “R-Really?” she asked, her voice shaky.

Barry’s grin got bigger. “Yeah! You were so feminine, always going on about your mum’s dresses and how you weren’t ever going to cut your hair! Mum always told me to get a guy friend instead, but I always told her I already had one, you!

“…I guess I was wrong, huh?”

Dawn nodded, and she smiled when he reached his hand out in a fist, for their usual fist-bump. He stuttered slightly over his words. “You… Arceus, I’m sorry. I thought it was weird that people were calling you Dawn, but I really like it too. I didn’t want to make assumptions, y’know?” he rambled, common, before clearing his throat. “You’re still my best friend, and I love you.”

She smiled bigger now, and gently fist-bumped him before forcing him to hug her, nodding into his shoulder. “I love you too, Barry…”

Later, when they were walking, anyone located on the route would clearly hear Barry’s “and if you ever hide something so important from me again, sir- missy, I will have you fine you big time!”

-

Riley was handsome. He was tall and pale, but didn’t tower over Dawn like everyone else, instead leaning down slightly and giving her a gentle, sweet smile the entire time they talked. They agreed to meet up again, and again, and again. She always said yes, constantly ignoring the teasing she got from her two male friends about her deep crush for the aura user.

“Next week, again?” Dawn asked, standing next to her Togekiss, who was ready to fly her back to Twinleaf Town. They met at the Canalave City library every week on a Thursday to just talk and hang out, never getting bored of the other. Riley loved having deep conversations, and always kept Dawn intrigued with his every word.

Riley nodded, hat tipping slightly at the motion. “Of course, Dawn, but… I’d like to ask you if you’d be my girlfriend, first.”

Togekiss was the first to respond, chirping in delight and nudging his trainer with his wing. Dawn was red in the fast, but felt the pit in her stomach telling her that Riley wouldn’t ask this if he knew what was really under the dresses, under the make-up and long hair. What if he didn’t accept her, or thought she was some freak? Maybe he would tell other people that, hey, the new champion is actually one of those so called “transgenders”, and-

“Dawn?”

She looked at him, realising she had been quiet as she let her thoughts consume her. Riley was smiling still, but it seemed more pained. “You don’t have to agree, of course-“

“No!” Dawn wanted to bite back her words, having gained a few looks from a few passer-by’s by her yell. She shook her head. “No, Riley, I really like you,” she admitted, feeling warm when he smiled in delight. “It’s just… I, uh…”

Riley’s hand was warm through the glove as it clasped her shoulder gently, and he was still smiling (which was gorgeous, Dawn swooned). “Dawn, it’s alright. Just breathe, and think slowly. Tell me what’s the matter and we’ll work around it, because I like you too, obviously.” The last part was a little sarcastic, meant to clear the tension, but fell flat.

Dawn nodded, controlling her breathing. She let out a shaky sigh when she felt her flying Pokémon nudge her gently, encouraging her, telling her that she could do it. “It’s just… I’m a transgender woman,” her shoulders sagged at the words, feeling relieved to have finally told him. “I’m… not a real girl, and probably not what you want, so I won’t lie to you.”

The hand, still on her shoulders, squeezed slightly. Dawn looked to him again, and Riley was shaking his head. “I really like you, Dawn,” he repeated, and caused her insides to flip. “I don’t care what your body is like; I want you. You being trans doesn’t bother me, you’re still a girl in my eyes.”

Dawn blinked, but she grinned and forced the taller man down into a hug, relishing in the way he laughed, feeling his hand slide down her back and to the concrete. He wrapped his arms around her, humming slightly when they both realised she was crying. Her body convulsed, but she laughed and shook her head, stuffing it in his coat, feeling free and happy.

**Author's Note:**

> i almost made this girlpowershipping. almost


End file.
